For those of you who were lucky enough to know Makh Daniels, you were pretty fucking lucky.
For those that didn’t: http://www.invisibleoranges.com/2010/08/rip-makh-daniels/
We laughed through dark drunken nights and too-bright mornings. We locked doors in other people’s houses. We drank on stoops and fell down them. Broke bottles in streets and forgot them. Picked each other up and never felt judged. Made promises, made plans. I can’t even spit out these words out and you sang them- loudly.
Early graves… far too early.
Of all the things I could never say enough, up until the last week of your life, it was thank you.
Here’s a blog post of his I found and I figured I’d share. Makh could always make me smile, and apparently, still can.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
BEST OF “SHIT I HATE” BLOGS
“I deleted all those awhile ago but i was going through my email and found i guess “the best of” or whatever. So here they are. Maybe i’ll start makin some new ones. who knows. enjoy.”
- Makh
SHIT I HATE (BEST OF):
• The fact that downtown Market Street is a living metaphor for the term “anything goes”.
• When you’re hanging outside Delerium with a bunch of your friends and this lady comes up to you guys and asks if any of you have any change and after a succession of everyone saying “No” She cocks her head, looks directly at you and yells:
“Nigga, you talk like a white guy!”
And you do.
• When you are hanging out with a cute girl and she is looking through your old photos and she says,
“Damn, whose this hot guy with the sleeveless shirt?”
And you’re like,
“Oh. Why, that’s me.”
And she slowly starts to frown at the photo and alternately looks at you and the photo and says,
“Really? Well, that’s weird. This guy DOESN’T look anything like you.”
• When you’re surfing hella fast and doing all these crazy zig-zags through an 80 foot wave and surf-ollieing over all these sharks and doing back flips on your surf board when suddenly you get hit by a 400 foot wave and wake up face down next to your bed.
• How instantaneously after sundown the tenderloin becomes a terrifying parody of the nintendo game “Ghouls and Ghosts”.
• When people say,”Children are the future” and to test this theory you go and ask a seven year old what he is going to be when he grows up and he says, “A brontosaurus”.
• Inadvertently while looking in the mirror, you discover that during sex, you have the same exact facial expressions as the crackheads you see walking around your neighborhood.
• The fact that if a horse could talk and you asked him,
“Hey man, what are you doing?”
He’d totally ignore your question look around his stall and say,
“Smells like shit in here.”
• The fact that all multi-tasking is, is doing a bunch of little things simultaneously, equally half-assed.
• When White people think you’re Black, Tongans think you’re Samoan, Somoans think you’re Tongan and Black people think you’re Chinese.
• When you are sitting in class discussing and taking notes on Ethics as a precursor to the rediculously hard final you will be taking within a couple of days and some European girl sitting next to you says (in a Russian-esque accent):
“Who made up this Ethics anyways? Show me the person who made ethics!! And I tell them ‘No! I do not believe in your ethics, I do not appreciate someone telling me what to do’ Pssshhh, Ethics inventors…Pffft!! I spit on you.”
After she has said this, you now realize your class, the teacher and possibly the students in the room across the hall are now dumber because of that.
• When you’re at work listening to an old rachel’s CD and your boss comes over, listens for a second and says, “Yeah I don’t know man, I think the piano is outdated” so you stare deep into his eyes and imagine a DELETE button on the top of his head that you could press and erase whatever floundering thoughts that made him come up with that idea.
• Moody ass people who are always moody, so you realize they aren’t moody at all, but are just fucking assholes.
• People who have to exaggerate everything:
( e.g. “Dude….DUDE!! Man, I went to the grocery store and there was a robbery in progress so I jumped on the dude, grabbed him by the throat and said, ‘fuck you!’ and I took his gun and then this HAWWWT girl wanted to make out with me, but I said ‘no no, not now baby, it’s all in a days work baby, I am only here to serve the people’ and then I jumped out into my lamborgini and drove all the way here at like….um…let me see….at least 450MPH…whew…yeah man so uh…yeah…that’s why I’m late…”
• Right Wing: “Oh shit, the world is fucked up, the economy is dying, and people are starving. What do we do? I know!
NO GAY MARRIAGE.”
• Left Wing: “Oh shit, the world is fucked up, the economy is dying, and people are starving….hmmm…. What do we do? I know! LEGALIZE MARIJUANA.” (Legalizing marijuana is pretty tight though).
• After a hard ass day at work and your sleeping on the bus ride home and the bus gets stops suddenly causing you to flail your arms around and hit the nice girl sitting next to you because in your dream you thought you were drowning.
• When people wear those beige colored trenchcoats that makes them look like detectives.
• The fact that if your dog could talk and you asked him,
“Dude! What the hell are you barking at?”
He’d scratch his head with his paw and be like, “ummmm….shit man….that’s a good question…”
• The fact that if your cat talked and you asked him,
” Shit dude! Why did you piss all over my records?”
He’d be sitting cross legged in a recliner in a velvet robe smoking some expensive european tabacco out of a pipe and say( in an English accent):
“Oh come come Mr. Daniels. Don’t act so surprised. I am a cat after all. I have certain quirks that you put up with because I am much more readily able to take care of myself…more so than… let’s say….a dog. Quid pro Quo my friend, Quid pro Quo. Besides, I was bored. Cheerio.”
• When you are driving next to a huge mack truck on the freeway and thinking about how if that truck rolled on top of your car, your seatbelt and airbag just wouldn’t cut it.
• Having a buddha statue and stocking your weed in it’s hands, knowing goddamn well that’s not what its for.
• When you’re selling records at Amoeba, and depending on whose buying your records and what mood they’re in and whether you say “cash” or “credit” and whether you’re a pretty girl or not are the deciding factors if they decide to rip you of or not..
• The fact that DJ’s have no clue that they can be replaced by:
Ipod > Shuffle > Songs > Playlists > Dance Mix
• When you are looking at a person with a look that says,
“Wheres your brain?”
and they are returning a facial expression that says,
“My brains on drugs”.
• When you are first described to your new boss as being “really poor”.
• When you find out that most White people have a secret grudge against Jewish people. And all these years you didnt even know there was a difference.
• When you do something really nice for someone else and they become incredibly suspicious because they think that you want something from them…and you do.
• When you say to your friend “shit, I think I have a big ass face” and then she looks at you for a minute and then says “holy shit, you do have a big ass face”.
• The fact that all you gotta do to be popular is either be good-looking or a dickhead.
• Drinking with friends who by their drunken actions have no business drinking in the first place.
• The fact that psychotropic drugs like demerol and halidol look suspiciously like skittles.
• Chilling in Browser books on FIllmore, drinking coffee and enjoying some crappy photo book when all of a sudden from the corner of your eye someone slips you a piece of paper and that someone mumbles:
“here….poem…mine…you read…”
and then you look at the poem and it’s entitled the CORN POEM. And without you asking or even acknowledging him, he autographs it.
• The fact that people work really hard in high school to go to a good college, get a degree in chemistry, psychology or literature, then come back and work in either a grocery store or a coffee shop.
• The fact that in high school you used to be jealous of people who were home-schooled, but then later on you come to find that these same people now have zero social graces and are generally fucked up beyond all recognition of what would pass for a normal human being.
• In this movie Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a lonely weird dude.
• Theater dudes who get into character at inappropriate times(i.e. when you are hungover and just trying to get some coffee and the dude at the counter says to you in a loud shakespearean voice,” HOW FARE THEE WEARY TRAVELER? DOST THOU NEEDST A FINE CUP OF BARD’S DELIGHT? MAYBE A DELICIOUS CRUMPET WOULD DO THEE WELL, AH YES TIS’ A FINE MORN! A FINE MORN, INDEED!!”)
• The word “Nugs”.
• When you are sitting on the bus and the guy sitting across from you has sunglasses on and you can’t tell if he is staring at you or just staring off into space.
• When someone forces you into a conversation about spirituality and just when you have something really good to say about it, that someone inevitably starts talking about smoking a fat bowl.
• When you are talking to a really pretty girl at a party, saying all this funny ass shit and then you’re drunk ass friend ruins everything by stagediving on you.
• When you and your friends are looking at photos of last night’s drunken bullshit and you see yourself in the pictures being hella wasted and then you and you’re friends start laughing at them but in your head you are thinking “Hooooooleeeeee shit ….is that what I look like?”
• When people ask me for change like seasoned salesman.
• When you ask someone a direct question and get some shady ass answer in which you feel that if you pushed the question any further you and that person would not be friends anymore.
• When people squint their eyes at you.
• Making funny ass jokes up with your friends and creating this sprawling fucked up scenario that is hilarious….until someone who doesn’t know they aren’t funny try to jump into the joke rotation and ruin all the good laughs you worked so hard for.
• Not working a 9 to 5 and not being able to decide if you are a d.i.y. genius or a lazy asshole.
• Seeing people you have slept with but the only greeting you give them is that eyebrow raise/slight nod thing that makes it even more awkward because you both know you don’t know each other’s names.
• Seeing dudes at your local coffee shop chilling in front “girl butt” watching.
• BEING THAT DUDE at your local coffee shop chilling in front “girl butt” watching.
• That bullshit “I’m so fucking leftist man I would let my daughter date a werewolf” attitude.
• The fact that sometime in the near future San Francisco is going to have a huge earth quake that will rip the city apart, cause widespread destruction in which the death toll will be in the hundreds of thousands and no one gives a shit.
Memorial Service for Makh Daniels: Monday August 9th @ 2-5pm. Location: Good Shepard Funeral Home/ 901 Oceana Blvd Pacifica, California. Please bring a food item along w/ you… and please re-post this information so others may attend to pay their respects. There is a donation paypal account that is now set up that if you would like to donate some money for services, etc. The paypal account email is ripMakhDaniels@gmail.com and anything you can donate would be greatly appreciated.